The Peaceful Void

It is all void again inside _ but this time a peaceful one . I have know love and experienced it too, so I have no regrets .

The reason why i can see myself , is because you did not and so I must thank you . The reason I have peace now is because of all the strife and pain that I experienced when I was in the relationship .

It is also true that my past does not haunt me as much now since I experienced the same things, feelings and emotions with you- the person I’ve loved .

I loved you beyond myself but that does not mean that I will not respect myself and allow your actions to disrespect my emotions , my existance and hurt me.

I will when nobody else does .

But this is not how it was supposed to be . In true love you stand naked and bare in front of your partner and that person is supposed to wrap you with love and protection even if you don’t need it , even when you are the strongest, toughest & most lethal one out there in the world .

Everyone has to reach a pinnacle first before it changes _ the disrespect and pain had to reach its pits where even I myself lost all self respect and loathed myself before I could move , move away so that I could even think about not allowing further damage .

My heart, feelings, trust, faith & belief had turned to dust_ and then it stopped hurting so bad, i stopped struggling to make things happen.

This pain is beautiful & completing me in a strange way . For the first time I’m not avoiding it , not even wanting it to stop or running away from it _ I’m embracing it .

Hurt seems to truly love me _ never leaves me alone no matter what I do to push it away or get rid of it , it just stays there , keeps coming back — stronger than before ….so here I am , with open arms , embracing it . I am no longer waiting for someone to come I’m welcoming this pain . I’m whole , with this pain this void completing me .

The Yin & The Yang .